Written by IainB
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Sunday, 24 July 2011

image for Spider sparks terror alert at Manchester Airport
The rare British Semtex spider

A spider triggered an evacuation of Manchester Airport today when it was mistaken for a terror attack.

It was not a massive mutated beast crushing planes under one of it's eight feet. It wasn't even a venomous spider. Or hairy. It was an ordinary spider, but it spun it's web across the explosives detector in the luggage area, triggering every item of luggage as a potential bomb, until the computer decided there was enough explosives in the cargo waiting area to flatten the North West of England from Workington to Stoke.

"Whilst some might say that this is a good thing," said chief of security, Tony Aching, "I think it would be a bad thing, what with my house being near here."

The airport was cleared while the bomb squad were called.

"We searched for seven hours," said bomb squad sergeant, Simon Techs. "We've got some really cool gizmos, but none of them recognised anything more explosive than a Vicks Nasal Spray. We even brought in Kevin. He's our sniffer dog. He found some pepperoni sausage but no bombs."

Eventually, somebody thought to check to see if the explosive detector was faulty.

"That's when we discovered the spider web," said Techs. "Right across the sensor."

According to the manual that came with the detector, that nobody had bothered to read until they needed to, a spiders web shouldn't have caused a problem. However, wherever the detector was pointed, it registered explosives.

"Obviously," said Aching, "I immediately pointed it at my nuts and claimed I had a bomb in my pants."

Once the web had been cleaned off, the detector was working again.

Unluckily, a photocopier addressed to the Ukranian embassy was missed in all the fun.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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