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Sunday, 17 July 2011

image for Rebekah Brooks Shares A Cell With Fizz Off Coronation Street - Prison Staff Confused
Let Us Out You Bastards!

It hasn't been confirmed yet, and quite frankly, it sounds quite hard to believe - a bit like an article in the Daily Mail - but apparently, former head of the News Of The World, Rebekah Brooks, has been banged up in a cell at Strangeways prison, Manchester, along with Fizz off Coronation Street.

Rebekah Brooks was being questioned over phone hacking and corruption allegations, whereas Fizz has been banged up for helping her serial killer husband, John - Don't Call Me Psycho Or I'll Kill You - Stape, to dispose of a body. And some fraud charges as well.

Which is all pretty much a run of the mill day for the courageous officers of the prison service, but the problem is that prison staff have difficulty in determining which vivacious redhead is which.

Prison Officer, Alma Sedgewick, of Urmston explained to reporters:

"It's hard working out which one is which. And the ginger bitches play games with the staff. One starts sobbing for her baby, the other starts sobbing for her newspaper and her Uncle Rupert, and when we go to check on them, they clam up. They're taking the piss. They'd be like Siamese twins if they were joined together. It's a nightmare dealing with them. With all that reflective ginger hair, staff have to wear welders' masks before they dare even peek through the spy hole in the cell door. I'll be glad to see the back of them."

We tried to contact Chesney for a comment, but he was busy walking Schmeichel on the Red Rec.

When we called Rupert Murdoch, he told us he'd been expecting our call, but declined to disclose how he knew that.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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