Written by Simon Cockle
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Friday, 15 July 2011

image for Charlie Gilmour jailed for 16 months for being son of Dave Gilmour
Police listening for guitar solos

Charlie Gilmour, who, along with others, was arrested for rioting during the protests over student fees in December 2010, has been sentenced to 16 months in prison. This is for the more serious crime of being related to Dave Gilmour, guitarist with Pink Floyd.

Progressive Rock has been outlawed in Britain for some time. Charlie Gilmour, according to the prosecutors, knowingly continued to live as Gilmour's son, and even, a police raid discovered, had some of the band's dreadful music in his possession.

Chief Inspector Bear Vexed of the Metropolitan Police explained that this was a serious crime and that the general public should be cautious about who they speak to, listen to or go on tour with. 'One minute you're shopping in Sainsbury's, the next minute you're playing in front of 70,000 people in Japan,' he said, 'It can happen just like that,' he added, tautologically.

Apple Martin-Paltrow, 3, is currently under police surveillance in California as police believe she may too become the offspring of a 'Prog Rocker'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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