Written by Lady Godiva
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Topics: London

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

image for Man arrested on Oxford street today, repeatedly yelling "I hate LOL!  I hate LOL!"
Constable Bobby Helmutt

A man was arrested in down town London at 5:00 p.m. today.

The man's name, according to an onlooker who recognized him, is Brian 'Cocky' Fotheringham of Petticoat Lane.

Police have been trying to catch him for over a fortnight.

Mr. Fotheringham was standing in the middle of Oxford Street during rush hour, wearing a Chelsea jersey and a pair of pink boxer shorts. They said he smelled of stale beer and jellied eels.

Witnesses reported that they had been listening to him yelling out "I hate LOL!, I hate LOL!" a total of 114 times within a span of two minutes.

Cockey, Terry Mitchell, said to the two constables who arrived on the scene,

" 'E ain't arf 'ard on the shell-likes mate. Bin standin' 'ere for ages and me plates ain't arf givin' me gip. Glad you arrived. Sumfin' needs to be done and quick. I 'ung around till you lot came.
Good luck! Gotta get back to me 'trouble' or she'll be 'aving me guts fo garters.".

P.C. Moriarty said that the poor man continued to repeat the same three words over and over again, "I hate LOL! I hate LOL!."

P.C. Moriarty's partner, P.C. Helmutt, said that it was so sad to see this poor dishelved man, who he confirmed, DID smell of stale beer and jellied eels and to listen to his wailing.

P.C. Helmutt went on to say that the poor soul sounded as if he did have a smattering of education since he did not use any run on sentences, split infinitives, or dangling participles.

The constables took him by the arms and gently lead him towards their police car, promising onlookers that they'd take good care of him and see that he received the proper treatment before being released.

All that could be heard coming from the police car as it drove away was, "I hate LOL. I hate LOL.......", fading into the distance.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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