Written by Deafo
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Friday, 1 July 2011

UK businesses should recruit more people from overseas rather than relying on unemployed young Brits who would much rather spend their time dossing about at their state funded home all day, according to unemployed young Brits.

The request flies in the face of a statement by the Work and Pensions Secretary, Iain Duncan Smith, urging UK businesses to focus their recruitment strategy around the nationality of prospective candidates to alleviate lengthening queue's at the dole office.

But 100% of unemployed Brits who were asked whether they would be prepared to lose their state funded home and benefits for full time work paying the minimum wage said they would much rather see foreign people pick up the slack.

Bill Tucker, who is unemployed expressed his concern at the work and pensions secretary's ill-advised suggestion.

'So let me get this right.'

'Duncan Smith wants me, a Brit, to get myself outta bed every morning to earn £5.93 an hour?'

'What does he expect me to do with that?'

'I'd much rather keep my state funded 3 bed-semi detached and keep my midday lie-ins in tact.'

'For once in my life, I find myself warming to foreigners more and more.'

UKIP MEP Nigel Farage was all for the employment of foreign people, so long as they did the really shitty jobs.

'By all means, come over and clean our drains or stack some shelves or something like that.'

'But when you start donning shorts and ties and the like, that's when things get really worrying.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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