Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Friday, 1 July 2011

image for Florence Brudenell-Bruce not related to James Hewitt
Alf and Elsie Brudenell-Bruce.

Prince Harry's latest girlfriend, Florence Brudenell-Bruce is related to every other person in England.

Except James Hewitt.

Research undertaken by Eric Nonce, a genealogist from Dorking, shows that she is descended from The Pikey-Scrotes, an aristocratic family from the Windsor area.

The Pikey-Scrotes have interbred through the centuries with every other family, including the Chinless-Nincompoops from Eton and the Window-Lickers from Staines, and are responsible for all people with ginger hair.

Except James Hewitt.

The early Pikey-Scrotes lived in a medieval castle and constantly annoyed their neighbours by leaving Bentleys with no valid MOT in the front garden and having moats full of broken electrical equipment.

Florence Brudenell-Bruce developed a crush on feckless womaniser Willy Pikey-Scrote after he promised to "tarmac her drive" but Eric Nonce, who is the editor of Berks Peerage, discovered they were cousins only 8th removed, which isn't close enough to sustain a sexual relationship. .

Florence Brudenell-Bruce then met flame haired Prince Harry at a Polo chukka organised by mutual chum The Earl of Cardigan-Pullover-Balaclava, who was at Eton with everybody in England.

Florence Brudenell Bruce, who is descended from the man who led the Charge of the Light Brigade during the Crimean War in 1854, is also related to Wayne Rooney and several farm animals.

She is also related to every other person in England.

Except James Hewitt.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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