Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Topics: Local, church, Dogging

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

image for Vicar discovers pensioners "dogging" in churchyard
Dogging God?

A shocked vicar has stumbled across a website that directs old age pensioners to his churchyard for dogging sessions.

The Born Again Doggers website lists his church in the Essex village of Ugley as a "nice and secluded spot" to have outdoor sex with other devout Christians.

The Website states that regular doggers are "happy to have watchers 'n' fumblers" in the 'congregation'.

Dogging Group Events Organiser, Arthur Slaphead-Mason, is a prominent member of the Football Association who boasts that he is "blessed by the God Priapus". Arthur's wife Molly is the Vice President of the local Ugley Women's Institute.

Molly Slaphead-Mason, who is known to have acute angina, declares that the Born Again Doggers site is "for the benefit of regular churchgoers who have regained their zest for life."

The website contains testimonials from eminent local "doggers" such as Sir Hubert Dribble, who describes himself as "a deb's delight", and Lady Fanny Quiver, who is doing an Open Degree in Religious Studies at Essex University.

Retired Professor of Philsophy A.J.Hotayr, is another notable academic who heartily endorses Born Again Dogging.

Mr Hotayr argues that the sessions are an alternative but valid form of worship, and that God is himself involved in the 'meetings' since God is omnipresent.

Rev Roger Nonce has told churchwardens that he is "very upset by these revelations".

But the vicar is "prepared to turn a blind eye" after being reassured by the Ugley Women's Institute that: "the plate was being passed around" and that all donations would help boost the Organ Restoration Fund.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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