Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 28 June 2011

image for Hackers hunting for 'proof' of Kate Middleton 'baby' born in Italy 2000
Waaahhhh! Where's my Momma???

London - Hackers and conspiracy nutz are trying to hunt down a Kate Middleton 'baby' born in Italy during a gap year stint at a Machiavellian - er...Florentine! - language school.

A complex matrix of cyberspace erasures and deletions detected in remedial works on the Millenium Bug 2000 clean-up has partially cobbled together the birth theory.

This places uber-successful royal gold digger Kate at a San Gimingiano villa owned by Tuscan Mr Fixit Prince Girolamo Strozzi.

The notorious schmoozer of the Blairs, Sarah, Duchess of York and other Z-Listers went through a phase of unbridled foreign hospitality ahead of securing Papal gongs and other gravy train handouts.

Pictures of hard-nosed Kate, taken some weeks after her Italian job, show her doing 'good works' in Chile, home of General Augusto Pinochet, at a youth work project.

Her bloated facial features and adipose hips are classic signs of a postpartum body, conspiracy experts claimed today.

The Raleigh International scheme in Patagonia where Kate 'recuperated' had been previously attended by Kate's current husband.

Some reckon his work experience project was carefully choreographed to take place ahead of Middleton's.

"Of course, this is probably just some sort of tinfoilhatter conspiracy bollox," one royalwatch website commented today.

"We reckon Kate was a virgin the day she got married."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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