Written by IainB
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Monday, 27 June 2011

image for Political Biscuits
Perhaps Ritz Cracker, Fritz?

Hot on the news that David Cameron is to release his own range of biscuits: David Cameroons, other politicians are to jump on the bandwagon and release their own ranges of biscuits. All politicians love a good bandwagon to jump on.

"Eric Pickles is producing a range of Biscuits for Pickles," said Fritz Cracker, head of food purchasing for the houses of parliament. "We don't know how popular these will be, given that they will be full fat biscuits."

The Defence Secretary, Liam Fox is the son of the Fox Biscuit empire, and it is his company that will be producing the new range of food stuffs. Cheryl Gillian will be producing Cherry Gillians, a cherry flavoured shortbread, whilst Philip Hammond will find time design savoury snacks he will call Hammond Eggs. William Hague will be producing Hague's Vaguely Ginger Nuts, naturally. Nick Clegg, as usual, hasn't really got any ideas of his own, and will make a range of Jammy Dodgers, as befits his political style.

"Iain Duncan's Smith's biscuit is particularly inspired," said Cracker. "He's doing Duncan's Dunkin Rich Teas."

Opposition MPs are also getting in on the act, with Ed Balls producing Ed's Chocolate Balls and Ed Milliband will be producing a variety of Millionaire's Shortcake, called Milliband's Shortcake.

"Ed's never been very good at coming up with names," said Cracker.

And Fritz Cracker, will he be joining the MPs in creating biscuits?

"I won't be producing my own range," he admitted. "I cannot come up with a variant of my name that sounds like a biscuit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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