Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 21 June 2011

In a bold move, the Conservative Liberal alliance has moved to make the wearing of so-called Hoodies compulsory for anybody under the age of seventeen.

The fashion accessory has become de rigueur among boys, and, increasingly, girls. It is often associated with an unsavoury element where perpetrators of petty, and sometimes serious, crime will wear a Hoodie in order to mask their identity on Britain's ever increasing number of CCTV cameras. This has made the move to make the Hoody compulsory something of a surprise to policy watchers.

"I was caught out by this one," said Parliament informant, Ian Cider. "It came out of left field, left me speechless and nobody saw it coming. To be frank, and to cram another cliché in, it's mystifying."

Jack Dupp, a fifteen year old delinquent from Norwich was not best pleased. "I'm not like pleased like," he said with a sniff. "I been wearing me Hoodie since I were ten, innit? Who do dese a holes think they are tellin me wot I can an can do? I dint vote for em. Eyes not gonna wear me Hoody now, lets see how they like them apples, yeah?"

The fact that nobody voted for them and Dupp is three years off being able to not vote for somebody (assuming he learns to spell 'X' by then), passed the serial Hoodie wearer by.

Sue Dupp, Jack's mother, was quite pleased with the new law. "Today was the first time I've seen my son in five years," she said. "He has a Hoodie on his pyjamas, although I'm not supposed to say he wears PJs in case his bezzie mates are reading, but that's not likely, is it? He even leaves it on when he gets his hair cut, and when he tries on new Hoodies. I don't know how. He might actually have a shower now."

Graham Crayon, the minister who dreamed up the new law is quietly pleased. "I must point out," he said off the record, "that there is absolutely no reverse psychology going on here. None at all. Let me make that absolutely clear."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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