Written by Dr Jon
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Saturday, 25 June 2011

image for Concern for Thatcher's health raises fears for "Day of Mourning"
They probably will, you know.

Recent concerns about the health of Baroness Thatcher have once again prompted fears that a coalition of senior Tories, Tabloid editors and those jerks who will do anything for a day off and the chance to wave a flag in public will force the rest of us to endure a national day of mourning as if she really were Winston sodding Churchill.

"It's too depressing to fucking contemplate" commented Rachel Simpson, 36, a working mother of two, "to be honest, you'd think her views on General Pinochet alone would kybosh that. You know, having her photo taken with him and calling him a 'Friend of Britain' long after even most other Dictators had owned up that he had, in fact, shot a lot of his people in the back of the head and piled their bodies in big pits."

According to a gallup survey, most people appeared to have forgotten the Poll Tax, largely because in the end, they successfully dodged paying it, so cackhanded was the concept.

However, given to time to reflect, a group of consumers did recall that it was her who flogged off all the utilities to mercenary shark eyed cunts so that we now pay well over the odds for not only the water in a cup of tea but also the fuel to heat it.

Equality groups remind us that Clause 28 was a petty and vindictive piece of legislation that totally happened on her watch, whilst organizations supporting the widows of deceased servicemen point out that she started a war that killed 900 people, seemingly because she was governing the country so badly that she was otherwise about to lose an election to an elderly lefty in a donkey jacket.

Political Analyst Trevor Spectacles thinks the idea is deeply divisive. "I mean, just how well do they expect this to go down? Yes, alright, Chingford will be in tears, but Scotland? Wales? There are still large parts of South Yorkshire that are technically uninhabitable because of her. North of Leicester, let's face it, other than in Cheshire and pockets of North Yorkshire, it's a no-goer."

"Apart from Shipley in Bradford, of course, which has always elected some right wing dingbat, even though voting Tory in Bradford makes as much sense as a beagle getting a job at Philip Morris."

Those reluctant to acknowledge Thatcher as a heroine do acknowledge there will be a problem however. Whilst none of them wish to stand stiffly in silence for a minute next to some teary eyed Daily Mail reading nutjob who is deluding himself that she would have "turned it around" had she "been allowed to stay on" and not let Britain degenerate into a grim socially divided semi police state governed through a haze of whisky fumes and incipient dementia, there is growing concern that any objection to canonizing the bloody women is going to be fronted by preening students, pointless hippies and the same self-regarding noisy wastes of space who always turn up just make a mess of any reasonable protest.

Early indications are that what protest there is will be shrill, ineffectual, deeply irritating and apparently solely designed to get the face of the individual protester on local news.

"Let's get this clear", says Simpson, "Personally, if anyone so much as even hums 'We shall Overcome', 'The Internationale', 'The Red Flag' or, god help us, 'Tramp the Dirt Down', I will punch them in the fucking throat."

When asked, most Britons reported that they would probably just hang around indoors filled with a mixture of seething anger and impotent self-loathing. Which, given that she causes much the same reaction while she's alive, will be a fitting tribute.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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