The government has announced plans to reduce the number of pensioners nationwide. This is the latest in a long line of initiatives to reduce the national debt.
Pensioners, they say, are a drain on national resources. Not only do they drain billions of pounds from the state pension fund, they also cost the NHS billions.
Therefore as of April 2013, pensioners will be excluded from the NHS and any medical treatment they require, whether it is surgical or prescription, will have to be paid for in cash.
Winter fuel allowance will also be withdrawn. This will mean thousands of pensioners dying of hypothermia in the winter.
However, it's not all bad news for pensioners. "As well as free fast foods, they will also be given limitless free cigarettes and alcohol," a government spokesman said. "We want them to go out with a smile on their face."