Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 14 June 2011

image for Wednesday's Severe Weather Alert Retracted - Stiff Breeze Unlikely After All
There May Be Snow On Higher Ground, But Probably Not Much.

After issuing a severe weather alert earlier today, advising the public to beware of stiff breezes on Wednesday, the Met Office has issued a retraction and an unconditional apology, as they admitted they got it all wrong.

The error was discovered by amateur weather forecaster, Buford T Justice, in his office cum weather centre in Parkstone, Bournemouth. Mr Justice realised that the Met Office had made a grave error when he studied weather charts and satellite images on his laptop computer in his bedroom, in the house he shares with his elderly mother.

"The forecast and the satellite images and available data simply didn't correlate," Mr Justice announced. "It took me a while to crunch the numbers and input the data, but I got to the bottom of it and identified the error within a reasonable time frame."

Indeed.

It transpires that a senior weather forecaster at the Met Office in Bracknell had been predicting weather patterns on Google Maps, rather than on real time satellite imagery.

"I felt such a silly Billy," the senior weather forecaster is reported as saying. "Those images were from 2006. I don't know what on earth I was thinking."

According to Mr Justice, Wednesday's weather will be as unpredictable as ever, with sunny spells, showers, and even snow on high ground, but the nation can relax because the stiff breezes forecast are not likely to be as stiff as initially predicted.

The AA and RAC are working flat out in order to inform employees who had booked Wednesday as holiday that they can have the day off after all.

"I always wanted to work at the Met Office," Mr Justice remarked. "But they wouldn't have me on medical grounds because I've got flat feet, hammer toes, a slight curvature of the spine, and apparently I'm susceptible to psychiatric episodes. I got this right though, so I suppose that's one-nil to me."

"Nutter he is," Mr Justice's mum remarked. "Good with the weather though. The weather, yes. What time is it? Is it snowing again? I don't like snow...except on Christmas cards..."

At which point Mr Justice told his mum to shut up and drink her cocoa.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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