Written by ExiledRoyal
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Topics: Beer, Domestic abuse

Sunday, 12 June 2011

image for Drinks firm funds pregnancy move
Stella Tortoise - Putting women in their place since 1926

Interstellar Tortoise lager, long known as the 'Wife Beater', has begun a promotion to big up pregnancy.

As opposed to the drinks firm Diego, who are extolling the dangers of drink during pregnancy, Stella are going for the 'alternative' view.

'"Drink 10 pints of Tortoise, and there's every chance your evening's 'Fuck-Buddy' will end up pregnant," says spokespersonnage Jock Pissead. "She'll at least wake up with a nasty taste in her mouth."

Jock tells us, "You can go for the second option if you want. Don't drink the full strength 'Pregnancy' pint. Just go for the 4% stuff. That way your partner will only end up with one black eye."

Mr. Pissead explained, "I drink 8 cans of Stella every night and contrary to popular belief it doesn't make people violent. It's just my wife falling down the stairs never stops being funny."

Mr. Pissead is 94.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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