Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Topics: Environment, Green, waste

Thursday, 9 June 2011

image for Green party plans to eliminate waste
Yummy!! Aunt Bessie's Industrial Slop

The Green party today revealed their plan for reducing food waste. Every year in the UK thousands of tonnes of food are thrown away, which the Greens say is a shocking waste (no pun intended).

Under their scheme, people will be encouraged to use every part of the food products that they buy. For example, people who eat bananas will be asked to eat the skins as well, and meat eaters will have to gnaw on animal bones.

Furthermore, there will be only enough food in the shops to feed the population and not a sausage more. This will mean that fussy eaters such as vegetarians and kosher-only people will have to do their weekly shopping first. If you're unlucky enough to be the last person to do your shopping that week, you'll be stuck with whatever is left on the shelves. This will lead to a huge reduction in choice, but at least nothing will go to waste.

The final part of the plan is to tackle the problem that sometimes people buy food which they later throw away. So every day vans will visit each house in the country to collect everyone's food scraps. These will then be gathered together in a huge vat, and flown to Africa to feed the starving millions. To stay fresh on the long journey the food will need to be packed full of preservatives, flavourings, pesticides and other additives. So to make it more appealing, the food will be re-packaged as "Aunt Bessie's Industrial Slop".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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