Written by Jaggedone
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Topics: Beer, Supermarkets

Thursday, 2 June 2011

image for Cheap beer offer causes supermarket stampedes in Scotland!
For the Scots Burns Night has come early; thank Tesco!

The Scottish renowned for their tight-fistedness hit the jackpot yesterday after Tesco slashed the prices of their Stella Artois lagers.

Instead of the normal price of three boxes for 20GBP they were going through the tills at 11GBP, a slight computer glitch.

Several stampedes were seen around the entrances of Tesco's Scottish supermarkets as wild, booze loving Scots, made a bee-line for the parking places. In fact it got so out of hand that the police had to use their truncheons, ouch!

In Glasgow where many alcoholics reside, in fact 90% of the population live in access, were the worst riots and one "alco" gave the following interview:

"Laddie this is like f+++++g Christmas, Burns Night, Easter, my birthday, which I've forgot, all rolled into one, three cases of Stella for 11 quid, a present from heaven!"

He came out laden with the stuff and after blowing his last pounds, which were meant for the rent, shot off to the next bridge to enjoy his windfall!

A Tesco spokesman also gave a statement about the stampedes:

"If we were to offer tea so cheap the place would be f+++++G empty Laddie, but booze here in Scotland is like blood, a necessity!"

In the future Tesco are introducing an annual "Scottish Cheap Booze Day Out" because their turnover quadruples and "ginger-headed" piss-artists dressed in kilts love it!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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