Written by mikewadestr
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Topics: Oil Spill, bp

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

The president of Kazakhstan, Nursultan Nazasomething, a name that no one has a clue how to pronounce, more or less spell; has announced that they have hired British Petroleum (BP) to drill in the Caspian Sea, just off the coast of Kazakhstan, to create a really big oil spill.

Needless to say, BP drilled them a really big oil slick.

Holding a press conference in front of the entire press corps of the country of Kazakhstan which consists of one person, who happened to arrive late due to a flat tire on his bicycle, President Nazablabla, said the following:

"We are tired of the world not knowing who we are. Honestly, the only people who know us are really nerdy geography types that you see on those British and American quiz shows, and all the people who watched Borat. Actually, if you asked all the people who watched Borat where Borat was from, they probably wouldn't be able to tell you. Hell, I can't even remember where Borat was from".

"We have seen the fame and notoriety that the Gulf Oil Spill gave to the people of America and we have decided this is the way to go. We have huge oil reserves in the Caspian Sea that can be tapped by BP, who is very good at screwing things up and causing oil spills".

"Believe me", continue Nazamumble. "They did an excellent job. Now this will help us to become world renown as well as jump start our tourist industry, which at this time, averages two lost hung over Czechs a year".

News has it that the people of Kazakhstan are already bracing for a huge jump in tourism. The tourist industry has already come up with a really stupid slogan: "Kazakhstan clean water? Come and swim in our slick".

Hotels have sprung up along the shores of the Caspian Sea with really dumb names like: "Kaza good night's sleep here".

There is even a new dumb cocktail called KazaPetroMelonStan.

We're not really sure what is in it, but we do recommend staying away from it, just to be sure.

The tourist industry has, also, set up tours for environmentalists to come to the country to rent oil spill cleanup material in order to practice cleaning up oil slicks in other parts of the world when they happen.

We are pretty sure that these future spills will most likely be caused by BP.

Oil slick cleanup expert, Donny Lube said: "This is a great way for so many volunteers around the world to get real hands on experience on how to clean up an oil slick. Believe me, there will be no shortage of oil here".

BP spokesman, Jerry Spill, held a press conference in London to answer the concerns of so many British citizens who were concerned about cleanup costs that BP would have to pay to the country of Kazakhstan.

Considering the fact that it appears that every British citizen has money invested in BP, this would definitely be a cause for concern, leastways, at least for them.

"Don't worry", laughed Jerry Spill. "The country of Kazakhstan has no plans to clean up the oil spill. They paid us handsomely to cause the spill, and on top of it, they are giving us 10 percent of the money they make off of the tourists".

"That is 10 percent gross mind you".

It is rumored that other countries that border the Caspian Sea are, also, trying to negotiate deals with BP to cause really big oil spills off their coasts.

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