London - It's been likened to a scene from UK TV's Hotel Inspector show where dubious boarding houses are condemned on Pubic Health & Safety fears.
Today's news that America's First Lady found a used rubber in between the royal shits - er...sheets! - has shocked Palace staff.
The offending prophylactic was immediately rushed to a 24-hour mobile DNA lab and tested for pathogens.
Early indications show the bed's previous last occupants - honeymooners Prince William and Kate Middleton - are not responsible.
But a positive match for Prince Harry and Pippa Middleton has not been entirely ruled out.
"Luckily Mrs Obama saw the funny side of things," Palace Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon said today.
"She even joked that she knew it wasn't intended for her husband because he only manages to fit inside customised 'US Whoppers' specially made for his attributes."
Alex Polizzi is 69.