Written by Ellie James
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Friday, 13 May 2011

image for Man from Carlisle Learns American Vulgarism
The trunk Mr. Clarke thought he needed to put junk into

Carlisle, UK - Local man, David Clarke, 35, recently learned the American vulgarism, "junk." Friends are amazed by his natural ability to pick up and use such an odd American euphemism.

"I learnt it from Elizabeth, who is the funniest person on the planet, aside from me," he states. "She told me one night, Just put your junk in your trunk and get over yourself. I'll be there in a minute." Clarke explained that he was confused at first because he was wearing nothing but a sheet, and was actually not literally carrying any junk. His friends still don't know how he met such a bizarre and funny woman from Texas, all he will say is, "We met. Period. Or as Ellie would say Go Sue Yourselves."

Clarke has been overheard saying things like, " I know you want my junk, but you can't have it." And, "My junk is too good for you."

Friends are getting annoyed by his use of junk. "It makes no sense sometimes, when he says it," said a friend anonymously. "We'll be sitting at the pub and all of a sudden he'll blurt out that he thinks his junk tastes better than Guinness. Anything does, so we just look at him like he's a moron."

Elizabeth, his teacher of all things American, is proud and amused at the same time. However, even she will admit that sometimes she wishes that he would tell her to just touch him instead of constantly saying to come over woman and jiggle my junk.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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