Wednesday. London. Great Britainshire. A police raid has uncovered an incalculably huge amount of crude oil at the home of Bethnal Green's abrasive MP, Mr George Galloway of Scotland.
Acting on a tip-off from top American acronym The FBI' around sixty rozzers from London's Metropolitan Police entered the Scot's palatial 28-bedroom compound early this morning in full riot gear. After a routine search of the building and a quick cup of tea they uncovered a large number of barrels in one of the spare bedrooms, each bearing the inscription: "To Gorgeous George, thanks for everything, lots of love, Saddam." Each drum was found to contain a thick, black, gooey substance that one source described as "certainly not Guinness."
"I don't know how those f***ing got there," fumed an angry Galloway at waiting reporters, "the f***ing police must have planted them when I wasn't looking. I'm f***ing innocent! It's a stitch up. I love foreigners. Please vote for me in the next f***ing election."
The find comes amid fresh accusations from the US over Mr Galloway's dodgy dealings with the former Baghdad regime, led by fellow moustache wearer and all-round bad egg Saddam Hussein. The disrespectful Respect Party MP is known to have travelled to the evil axis several times in the 1980s and 90s to have tea and biscuits with the Iraqi genocidal megalomaniac. It's believed the two men plotted how to best conquer the world over a cup of earl grey and some custard creams. It remains unclear exactly how Galloway managed to get the barrels through customs on his return journey although it's possible he hid them in his pants.
Mr Galloway said: "I am ready to fly to the f***ing US today to face such a charge - er, as long as someone else pays for my f***ing tickets and I can go first class and they put me up in a nice hotel, obviously."
Galloway is clearly gunning for a rematch of 17 May when he last flew to Washington to shout at various senators: "If they want a fight, they can f***ing well have one! I'll see you Jimmy!"