LONDON, UK - Mary Younger, a part-time temp worker living in Manchester, is currently employed by the BBC as the station's so-called "Royal Correspondent" for the coverage of Friday's wedding between Middleton and the Prince of Wales. Younger's sole qualification for the job is the fact that she has no qualms about divulging personal information about people she once knew on national television.
Younger, who was briefly acquainted with Middleton when they attended St. Andrews, has not said anything on-air that should warrant her presence on TV, let alone the title "Royal Correspondent", which would imply some sort of inside access to the Royal Family, or at least a detailed grasp of the family's history. Younger has next to no knowledge or understanding of the history of the British monarchy, and in fact still believes that Tony Blair is the prime minister.
"Why, I remember at uni, when Kate said to me, 'I'm going to make that Prince William mine one day!' And we all laughed, but by golly, she did!"
Younger, who has not spoken to Middleton in almost six years, and who has only met Prince William once, is reportedly being paid over £10,000 for her work with the BBC, a job that mainly involves telling irrelevant and largely embarrassing anecdotes about Middleton. Younger also makes idiotic and empty analysis of Middleton's character.
"Kate is a very feisty girl; she'll be able to handle all the pressures that come along with being queen," said Younger on Monday. "And she'll probably give the press a run for their money too!"
At press, Younger was describing to another on-air correspondent how Middleton was actually a shy and insecure woman before she met William, and frequently got homesick while away at school.