Written by Reddon
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Friday, 22 April 2011

image for Fears Grow Over Kate's Weight As Royal Wedding Looms
Get Stuck In Lass!

Observers have expressed what they describe as 'very real and substantial fears' over bride-to-be Kate Middleton's weight.

Or lack of it.

Having spent much of her last days of 'freedom' on shopping trips down Chelsea's Kings Road, the much papped Royal fiancee appears to have lost a substantial amount of weight in recent weeks.

Most reporters have been too busy purring and fawning over the Queen-to-be to level any meaningful criticism in her direction, but there was one dissenting voice: Staleybridge Celtic fan, one time West End wardrobe dweller, and black pudding afficionado, known only as Iain B caused much controversy with his comments, upsetting just about everybody in newsmedia circles.

"She's definitely lost a lot of weight since I first saw pictures of her," Iain said. "She's nowt but skin and bones now. You can see all her ribs and collar bones and stuff, and her legs is like twigs. It's probably the stress involved with the nuptials - either that or she's been lying awake too long of a night studying evolution and Intelligent design. Whatever - that lass needs to get some meat on her bones. Eat some pies. Scoff some black pudding. Treat herself to a few meat feast pizzas. Before she gets carted off by a stray dog looking for something to chew on. The lads at Staleybridge would snap her in two with one strong tackle. She needs pies and black pud. Badly."

Iain insists that his suggested dietary tips are not necessarily appropriate in all cases. And probably a definite no-no if you happen to already be a fat bastard.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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