The most wicked obituary writer in London has died in mysterious circumstances. He was found in a busy coffee shop at tea time with his veins drained entirely of blood.
The murder by exsanguination is said to have happened while other customers thought he was having coffee with a famous actor friend. Their attention had been drawn to the pair because the familiar actor had appeared to look very close to death himself. Indeed, it is believed he died the next day.
He left a suicide note saying simply "I didn't want him writing my obituary"
Friends of the obituary writer said he had been particularly looking forward to the death of this friend, because he knew so many of his secrets.
As a mark of respect to the murdered obituary writer, no newspaper will carry the news of the actors death. Other obituary writers in London have also refused to write the killers Obituary.
A fellow actor said. "I don't know what's worse, to die with all your secrets told, or to die in silence with nobody knowing you had even died because the press refused to acknowlege you were gone."
The Obituary Writers' Society will hold a memorial for the writer next week during the Royal wedding because they're a miserable lot who wouldn't be able to see the joy in such a happy event.
By Katarina Frogpond.