Written by Ben Macnair
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Wednesday, 16 March 2011

image for Conservatives Watching Logan's Run for Ideas
Conservative Social Policies Head Quarters

A deepening Pension's crisis has led to the Conservatives, and their Lib Dem whipping boys taking on some desperate measures.

David Cameron has been watching films to try to find some money saving ideas. This has grabbed some members of the Labour party as being particularly insensitive, as due to the Conservatives throwing their weight around, the country no longer has a Film Council.

Films watched so far include Sister Act I and Sister Act II, with William Hague offering to lead a Gospel Choir, whilst dressing as a Nun, and Jaws, where the idea of a bigger boat is ignored by everyone, to Star Wars, and the Conservatives realising we are just at the end of The Empire Strikes Back, with Darth Vader about to reveal his true identity.

However, the film that has really struck a chord is Logan's Run. Boris Johnson, the Major of London explained:

'It is a great film. Gosh, crikey, I don't know if you have already seen it, but people are killed once they hit 30. It is a great idea, no old people to complain about things, no Pensions crisis, no one to be miserable, 30 years, and then nothing. It could solve all of our problems.

"Gosh, crikey, not that I am condoning Mass Genocide, that would make us seem like dictators. We are not run by a dictator, after all, Dictators take control that they have no real legal right to, blame everyone else for the mess they create, and then expect sympathy from the people they messed around. No, we are not ruled by a dictator, it just feels like that. Gosh, crikey, now, where did I leave my bike?'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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