Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 13 March 2011

image for Beware The Ides Of March Cameron Is Told
Dick Cheney's Lucky Rabbit's Foot is keeping Big Dave buoyant and fearless

London - Police bugging operations on illicit Red Top mobile hackers have unearthed a massive conspiracy to make Nick Clegg UK Prime Monster.

As a result from Monday all visitors to 10 Downing Street will have to pass knife detector equipment amid fears of a major backstabbing drama, a Government security website announced today.

Last week a No 10 random body search and general visitor patdown managed to confiscate Victoria Beckham's rocket launcher, a DIY AK-47 found on the Governor of the Bank of England, 200 rounds of cluster bombs (Sam Cam's colonic irrigation practitioner), half a kilo of Semtex (Association of Chief Police Officers CEO), poisoned blowdart and pint bottle of the poison curare (Archbishop of Canterbury) and a double-bladed jungle machete in Nick Clegg's botox lady's handbag.

"Of course, not everybody frisked wanted to kill David Cameron," a police protection racket source said today, "just the majority of them."

The superstition-mad recently had his baby daughter christened on March 4th new moon, the PM's 45th birthday.

But Tuesday's Ides of March anniversary of Julius Ceasar's assassination apparently holds no fear for the doughty PM.

"Dave's afraid of nothing," No 10 spin sources said today, "not since Cousin Barrack gave him Dick Cheney's very own Lucky Rabbit Foot as an amulet.

The Vernal Equinox is on Sunday 20 March.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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