Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 13 March 2011

image for Queen Elizabeth Orders Kate Middleton To Lose Four Pounds Or She Is Calling The Royal Wedding Off
Queen Elizabeth will be giving this original 20 pound English note to William and Kate as a wedding gift.

LONDON - With the Royal Wedding date fast approaching Queen Elizabeth is really starting to show her royal majestic claws so to speak.

Tickety Boo News is reporting that her Highness was recently sitting in one of the many 'sitting rooms' located throughout Buckingham Palace when she was overhead telling an old high school friend of hers Kivinna Edith Chumsworthy, 84, that there is one thing that Kate needs to get taken care of.

The queen stated that Middleton has been gaining weight of late and she (QE-II) will be making a formal announcement that she expects for her to lose four pounds or risk having the whole wedding and reception cancelled.

Mrs Chumsworthy asked the queen if that wasn't perhaps somewhat of a harsh thing to do. And the queen gave her a look that could have melted a World War I Prussian helmet.

According to TBN, Lilabeth, as her grandsons Prince Harry and Prince William call her in private, told Mrs. Chumsworthy that she is never again to question a decision made by the most popular and most powerful queen on the entire face of the earth.

Chumsworthy bowed down and begged for the queens forgiveness and asked that she not be fined the customary fine of £90 [$145.75 U.S.] for her act of audacious audacity.

The queen reportedly dismissed Mrs. Chumsworthy telling her to return to her home in Little Sandhurst as soon as possible. She added that she will be giving some hard consideration to possibly informing the Royal Wedding Planner to scratch her name off of the invited guests list.

Mrs. Chumsworthy reportedly told TBN's Neville Twickenbuck off-the-record that poor, dear, sweet Lilabeth has sure become one grouchy old biddy in her old age.

Tickety Boo News will continue providing up-to-the-minute utterances that spew forth from the majestically royal lips of Queen Elizabeth II.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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