Written by Lady Godiva
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Saturday, 26 February 2011

image for Isle of Wight News - Newby Villagers appalled by recent news of  bare feet abounding - i.e. no socks
Isle of Wight sheep. Wool used for knitting socks amongst other things.

The villagers of Newby, Isle of Wight, are disgusted by the recent news from the mainland that people appear to be boycotting socks.

In Newby, the only time socks are removed is when taking a bath or a shower. Also when they need washing themselves.

They're worn with sandles AND heeled shoes. The women, on cooler days, wear them over their tights or knee highs, a fashion they took from the Mennonite ladies in Ontario.

The sock boycott is doubly upsetting because there is a sock factory, "Woollies & Son" and a darning mushroom factory "Darn it", both located in the village of Newby and providing jobs for half of the village population.

The women of Newby Women's institute also offer classes on 'Sock darning', twice a week at the Community Centre as well as a 'sock knitting circle' for those who prefer to wear those socks hand-made on four needles. Proceeds from the sale of these socks go to charities.

One of the women from the WI, Mrs. Florence Shufflebottom, said,

"One of our members brought to our notice an article in the Magazine section of the online Spoof. It was written by one of our favourite Spoofer's, Lady G., as we lovingly refer to her. Aye! She's a grand lass.

Apparently she wrote a piece, a true piece from her heart, about the art of sock darning dying out. We are contacting her via. the editor of the Spoof and will be inviting her to come over for a visit.

We also want her to show us her collection of darning mushrooms and the wonderful photos she has taken of varieties of fungi she has found on trails near her home in Ontario.

Edit: It IS true about the darning mushrooms and photographs of fungi.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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