Written by Jenny Grene
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Sunday, 20 February 2011

image for David Cameron Takes Further Forestry U-Turns

Controversial plans to sell 258,000 hectares of state-owned woodlands have been abandoned, then taken up again, then abandoned again.

Environment secretary Caroline Spelman told MPs, "actually, we got it right", when David Cameron's government reversed their previous u-turn and decided that the English forests should be sold off.

David Cameron hinted that this would happen, reportedly saying: "once those protesters leave the Forest of Dean we'll quickly sell it before they notice, but not tell anyone."

Unfortunately for the Coalition Government, their plans to sneakily sell the forests without anyone noticing were leaked when they were left inside a taxi, on a train and in the Labour Party headquarters by various incompetent members of the Cabinet. The government was then forced to take yet another u-turn.

Mrs Spelman then stated, "no, we definitely we got it wrong." She went on to tell MPs, "David Cameron gave me a report on the government's intentions and I read it wrong. He said he didn't want to sell the forests, and I missed out the word 'didn't'. It was definitely my fault. Is that all right, David, or do you want me to say anything else?"

Ed Miliband is said to be "smug". Protesters at the Forest of Dean are said to be "confused".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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