Written by dutch
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Wednesday, 16 February 2011

image for Brit Awards Evacuated After Alex Reid's Fart-Lighting Display
Farty Pants Alex Lets Rip After Beans on Toast

Attention seeking Alex Reid was red faced at the Brits after being caught out by a public fart lighting display.

The muscly he-man was renowned for his flatulence in the bedroom which is one of the reasons for his break-up with Jordan.

She said. "I'd have to have a gas mask if I stayed married to Alex, sometimes when he farted it was like the sulphuric smells of hell and my eyes were watering and I nearly fainted."

The rugged cage-fighter at the Brits had one too many to drink and decided to entertain "Take That" to a fart-lighting display. He used his bic-lighted to detonate an enormous fart which echoed around the theatre.

Cheryl Cole shouted, "Gas attack."

James Corden said, "The one who smelt it dealt it."

Alex did another resounding pump and lit his fart with his bic cigarette lighter and there was a blue flame flaring out of his backside. Unfortunately the cage-fighters trousers were scorched and his Calvin Klein boxer shorts were welded onto his sphincter.

Embarrassed Alex had to go to A & E to have his pants removed surgically from his bum. The A & E doctors and nurses found his explanation of how his injury happened hilarious and they said that it had brightened up an otherwise boring, uneventful evening.

Susan Boyle on hearing upon Alex's rude prank said that she would send him a whoopee cushion and a CD of her songs.

Jordan was said to be unimpressed by her ex's performance and said, "that is nothing once when Alex was dressed as Roxanne a whole gay nightclub had to be evacuated.

She said that she was glad to be free of his flatulence and that she would save a fortune on essential oils and air fresheners used to cover up his smells.

Peter Andre said "That guy is about as funny as a wet fart, that is typical of him, he is a damp squib".

It begs the question of whether Alex's farting and ignition of farts caused any harm to Jordan and her kids.

Social Services are said to be looking in to the situation.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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