Written by grimbo
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Tuesday, 15 February 2011

image for Army Apologises For E Mails

A red faced Ministry of Defence spokesman has issued a public apology to 38 soldiers who were advised by e mail that they were being made redundant.

The official stated "It is with great regret that we used this unprecedented form of communique to advise a number of warrant officers that they are to lose their jobs. We take no pride in actions such as these but unfortunately they have come about as a result of budget restraints. We cannot rule out further cost saving measures in the future".

Other proposed cost cutting in the army include : scrapping award ceremonies for decorations such as the Victoria and George Crosses. Henceforth, the medals will by sent by first class post;

Amalgamating Army Recruitment offices with the Department of Work and Pensions facilities. This measure would not only greatly improve the security of the Job Centres, but would quickly boost army recruitment as anyone under the age of 50 who turns down 3 jobs in a row without good reason would automatically be enlisted.

Reducing the length of time new recruits spend on the parade ground has long been a bugbear for senior officers, so its been proposed that from April Ist, 2012 basic marching speeds will be increased from 5 mph to 10 mph. This will also serve to greatly increase the fitness levels of all soldiers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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