Written by Reddon
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Topics: Cats, Old People

Sunday, 13 February 2011

image for Evil cat kept pensioners in appalling squalour
Free at last . A captive pensioner released yesterday.

Social services launched a post lunchtime raid on a flat in Bethnal Green yesterday and discovered, to their horror that an evil cat was keeping seventy six pensioners in conditions of intolerable squalour.

Initially, the cat refused to answer the door, so a passing police officer forced access to allow social workers inside. What they encountered was enough to shock even the most seasoned professional.

While the cat lived a life of luxury in one room - with a flatscreen 3D TV, a cocktail cabinet, plush carpets and an Italian leather upholstered sofa and easy chair, the seventy six pensioners were crammed into a small bedroom in conditions of absolute squalour.

Horrified social workers described the stench in the overcrowded room as "appalling" and went on to describe how they discovered pensioners who were suffering from malnutrition, rickets, woodlice, a variety of respiratory disorders, ticks, mange, and baldness. One social worker explained that keeping too many pensioners in one room resulted in high stress levels which can lead to the old dears tearing each other's hair out in lumps.

Reporting restrictions prevent the revelation that the place was heaving with a mountain of excreta, and awash with stale urine, from being published. Just in case anybody is sitting down to eat breakfast as they don't read all about it.

When police arrived and attempted to arrest the evil moggy, it just scowled at them and made a run for it. The cat managed to escape the premises and scurry up a tree in the front garden, from where it is currently engaged in a tense stand-off with armed officers.

The pensioners were taken out through a back entry and loaded into vans, to be taken away for fumigation, but a social worker warned that a number of them may have to be put down.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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