Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Saturday, 12 February 2011

Ryan Giggs' Yoga Guru has stunned Manchester United Football chiefs by giving them an offer that they definitely can refuse. He told the very rich, very fat group of couch potatoes that the only way to gain enlightenment is through fasting and poverty.

He told them that unless they gave away all of their possessions and shares in Manchester United Football club, then they would never get enlightenment, and they would never ever have a dream come true, or a miracle.

He told them they'd never get to win the European cup, or go on the X-factor show, or be cured of arthritis. He said only Yoga could do all of that for them. And only if they make very large donations to his building project on the way into his Yoga classes.

The Yogi wants to build a Temple in Ryan Giggs' garden and he has told the Manchester united player he need 20 million pounds to do it properly. Ryan Giggs has agreed to give him 2 million pounds but in order to do that he has had to rent out his million pound house to the yoga guru, and go live in a tent in his own garden. But this arrangement isn't permanent. No, it isn't. When the Temple building programme gets under way, Ryan will have to move out altogether.

The yoga guru said that if he does all of this then he will be cured of "curly hair syndrome". Ryan is so desperate to have straight hair he has agreed to all the Yoga gurus demands.

The yoga guru lives in fear however, that one day someone will tell Ryan about hair straighteners and all his plans for his great big yoga temple will be ruined.

By Katarina Frogpond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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