Written by Mark Lowton
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Topics: Medical, Hospital, Crabs

Wednesday, 24 September 2003

image for Woman hospitalised after pubic lice removal attempt
It does exactly what it says on the tin?

A woman, yet to be named, is in hospital with second degree burns to her groin after attempting to rid herself from an infestation of Pthirus pubis (Pubic lice, or Crabs).

The woman is believed to have used a whole can of foaming insect killer to relieve herself from the huge number of crabs inhabiting her pubic area.

The woman was not available for interview, but a nurse from the hospital did divulge that she was in great pain and feeling very embarrassed by the whole ordeal. We also asked her how she had become so overrun with crabs. The nurse informed us that the woman believed she had become infected after shaking the hand of the US president, George Bush.

A White House spokesperson told us they "could neither confirm nor deny the President has crabs." Which, when analysed, strongly indicates he must do.

The woman is believed to be suing Raid who manufactures the product she used to remove the lice. The product in question claims it kills all "Crack & Crevice crawling insects."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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