Written by Nigel Walsh
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Thursday, 3 February 2011

image for Isle of Wight Woman Paints Door Green
Old woman

A woman from the normally sedate village of Godshill on the Island has caused much upset and 'gnashing of teeth' according to the local Parish Council by the decision of local resident Emily Spurt to paint her front-door a vivid shade of green.

Emily, 82, decided on the change after what she described at her 'utter sense of despair' and 'hopelesness' at the lack of anything happening in the Village she has lived in for nearly 40 years. We spoke to Emily, who did not wish to be named, through the letter-box of her newly painted door.

I asked her how she felt about the negative reaction from villagers. She responded by informing me "that I now had a green nose" as the paint hadn't dried yet and that "if I intended staying in the village long, I could do a lot worse by making myself comfortable on the doorstep and watching it dry" Emily declined to comment further as she has now signed an exclusive deal with the publicist Max Clifford. Instead, we spoke to a neighbour, Alfred Cockle, 92 and a retired Badger Molester. He told us "the trouble with that there Spurt woman is she needs to grow up! We like the village just as it is Dead!

He continued, "if it's action she wants, they have Dominoes and nasal and ear hair knitting evenings at the Village Hall on the second Sunday of every March"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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