The UK economy is shrinking, the stock market is stumbling, the pound is falling and it is nothing to do with Government policies.
'What do expect with winter' complained Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne 'it was so cold nobody went out to buy things. Bad weather is the cause but we will not let a hurricane deflect the ship of economy!'
Economists are shocked by the 0.5% shrinkage of the British economy, which even if the weather is taken out of the calculation, is flat.
With unemployment rising and signs of Business very uneasy about Government policy some are beginning to think the cuts really are too deep and too rapid. 'It is all no problem bashing the British people but if you do that they won't buy things' moaned one retailer 'it is all very well having the confidence of the money markets but they won't be too happy with a slump.'
Vince Cable is arguing that the recovery from recession is on track, even if there is a slight deceleration. 'Any car going round a slippery bend will decelerate. This is what we have been doing. It won't be long before we have spring tides and a lovely warm summer. That will put a smile on everyone's faces.'
David Cameron, noticing consternation among his cabin crew, was up beat. 'To go up you have to go down' he declared 'it will be so much more exciting now going up the helter skelter. I can't wait for it. Hold onto your seats this is going to be some experience.'
So the wave of optimism raised the spirits of the nation, ready for Royal Weddings and some other things to put the happiness back into the British people.