Written by Lady Godiva
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Saturday, 22 January 2011

image for Isle of Wight News - Newby Villagers planning street parties to celebrate Royal Wedding
Cows with no udders. They've been removed to serve up at Newby Village's street parties.

Residents of Newby Village, Isle of Wight, are mid-way through planning street parties to celebrate the Royal Wedding.

They propose to organize four large parties for residents,which will take place on Main Street I, Main Street II, Main Street III and Main Street IIII (Newby hasn't embraced 'real' Roman Numerals yet).

Planners of the events are proposing that all food served will be local, including such delicacies as, pigs trotters, cows' udders, lambs' intestines (boiled of course), black pudding and a variety of root vegetables.

For the children's entertainment they plan to erect a big bouncy 'thing' which is still in the design stage. A source tells us it could well be in the shape of Susan Boyle as she is one of the villagers' favourite celebrities at this point in time.

They are rather hoping that Susan will accept their invitation to be their 'celebrity du jour' and maybe belt out a few songs for them.

The mayor of Newby, Arthur Askme, has indicated that the members of the Newby Women's Institute are planning some adult entertainment, much along the lines of The Full Monty movie. On hearing of the possibility, many men in Newby are ordering little blue pills over the internet whilst children of the women of the Women's Institute are said to be pleading with their mothers to do something more along the lines of The Sound of Music.

A maypole is to be erected in the centre of each Main Street for the children and Newby's equivalent of Morris Dancers - The Norris Prancers -will be dancing through the streets dressed in their traditional costumes - red and yellow tights, red and yellow jesters hats with bells on, and nothing more. They do wonderous things with huge salamies during their routines.

The villagers are said to be extremely excited about the street parties but none of them are really showing much interest in the upcoming Royal Wedding.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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