Written by Masheded
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Topics: Wales, Cannibalism

Thursday, 20 January 2011

image for Cannibal tribe discovered in Wales
Police release picture of the "Alpha Male"

Details were today released about a tribe of cannibals recently discovered in the Welsh Valleys. It today emerged that the Welsh assembly have been dithering over what action to take for almost a week. A spokesman said:

"We recently received reports from concerned tourists when a child accompanying a hiking party mysteriously disappeared. Local children always go missing in this part of Wales, and we don't normally bat an eyelid. But foreign children attract a lot more attention. This one was English"

The remains of the child were found by a shepherd last Saturday, but Police had to call in an interpreter who could speak gibberish. Local Police sergeant PC Gwwgyrson stated to a translator:

"The remains were found next to some dirty dishes behind a rock. We knew who ever it was had gone to fetch water to do the washing up, so we just had to stake the place out. We couldn't believe what we saw when they eventually returned. There were four of them, and they were all naked and covered in hair. They looked a lot like cavemen"

Following this shocking discovery, Local Police swooped in a dawn raid on their hideout using tranquillizer guns and nets. Its unknown at this time if they will be re-located to a Somerset nature reserve, or stand trial. But anthropologist Doug Shelby disagrees. He says:

"Having studied the specimens in detail, I am convinced they are native to the Forest of Dean. Its difficult to decipher the parentage, but I once saw something like this down in Kent in 84 (referring to the famous case of the Kentish Long Tales). If I'm right, then they became lost while migrating to their natural breeding grounds, probably because of global warming, and I wouldn't be surprised if their are more. Therfore, to release them in Somerset could cause an ecological disaster, and to put them on trial would be pointless. They have no knowledge of modern law. The best solution is to take them back to The Forest, where this kind of behaviour is completely natural."

(if this made you grin, gimme some fummbs)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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