Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Wednesday, 19 January 2011

image for Jonathan Ross Reveals Daughter Is Gay... Or Something

Britain was underwhelmed in waves of apathy today as the tabloid Press reported on Jonathan Ross's 'outing' of his daughter.

Broadcasting personality "Wossy" has two daughters and a son. Asked on a radio programme on Tuesday how he would feel if one his daughters brought a girl home, he answered that his elder girl, Betty Kitten, was gay, so he had already dealt with the issue.

Tabloid newspapers immediately picked up on the shock revelation and gave the story prominent coverage in almost priapic excitement.

But a PollsRUs poll for EIF News & Features revealed that the public was less than impressed.

Mrs Morgan, at number 27 (with the blue Nova) said: "He's that bloke off the telly, isn't he. What - his daughter's gay? Is she? Oh, well, er, good for her I suppose."

Dave the plumber added: "She's a bonnie thing I suppose. But she's a lesbo? Oh, right?"

Olga, a Polish au pair, felt that whether the daughter of a celebrity was a lesbian was her own business: "I don't know what is Ross doing in telling world about daughter like this. If she is poorly, what is to do with newspapers? Is curable, yes?

"Is in papers? Why? Who cares?"

Mr Milligan said: "Who? What? Never heard of 'em! Lesbian? Jolly good!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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