Written by Reddon
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Topics: News, Newspaper

Monday, 17 January 2011

image for New national daily newspaper launch hailed as a great success
It's usually all rubbish not fit to print anyway.

The launch of the UK's first all new daily national newspaper since The Independent has been hailed as a great success by the owners, the editorial team and, more crucially, the readers.

Retailing at £0.07p per copy, The Daily Cyst promises to deliver stories covering the genuine concerns of its target readership, such as who will get custody of the cosmetics in the Katie Price/Alex Reid split, exactly who Ricky Gervais offended at the Golden Globes awards ceremony, (and why,) and how some actress off a soap opera denied that a photo shoot for lad's mag Oops! has not been airbrushed or otherwise digitally enhanced.

The new daily has vowed to avoid coverage of depressing events such as the global economy, natural disasters, wars, famines, droughts, mudslides, cutbacks, NHS waiting lists etc, although the editor did admit that he wasn't absolutely ruling out political coverage, most notably providing it involved leading politicians dallying with prostitutes, or spies.

In today's inaugural issue, The Daily Cyst concentrated on juicy celebrity scandals, with sports pages described as 'sketchy' and an incomplete TV guide, written by a columnist who gave the impression that he wasn't at all certain what he was twittering on about.

But the readers, on the whole, seemed quite pleased with this latest addition to their diet of newspapers, with most tending to agree that at seven pence a copy, it represents good value for money.

Even if the content is utter rubbish.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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