Just imagine it...wiping the old backside with royal faces...gives new meaning to Kiss me Arse!
Always in the rush to make a fast buck, Chinese manufacturers are cashing in on the British royal wedding by rolling out bales of Royal Wedding lavatory paper [toilet paper in North America].
What a wonderful way for ordinary plebs to turn their backs on the privileged few!
Your reporter was advised by a secret blogger-contact, deep in the bowels of a China prison for 'education reform' that the Chinese government has decided to put idle prisoners to good use producing Gwei-lo backside wiping paper. The quick-on-their-feet Chinese outbid the vacillating Indians for this contract as corrupt Indian officials had hiked the price up to $US 80 per roll whereas the Chinese version is less than 2 cents per roll.
The paper rolls, produced from dubious-origin material come in one color - vivid royal blue - as a tribute to the late Princess Diana's ring, which now adorns Kate Middleton's finger. An incredibly Chinese-looking calligraphied, buck-toothed Wills and Kate beam broadly from each square.
Early testing has revealed many deficiencies: the paper shreds too easily; the color and the royal image transfers onto wet backsides like a semi-permanent tattoo; testers have broken out in a dreadful, incurable rash and the entire roll downright stinks like roting sewage. Testers who complained have been summarily executed.
China's Minister for Number-Two Affairs and Education Reform of Dissidents, Fook Ing Yu told the media:
"Pris to crap you hans at this good Numbah Wan-Numbah Two product. World is big place. China evelybody frens. China nobody's enema".