Written by shea lo
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Wednesday, 12 January 2011

image for Chinese government uses political prisoners to manufacture  Royal Wedding Lavatory Paper

Just imagine it...wiping the old backside with royal faces...gives new meaning to Kiss me Arse!

Always in the rush to make a fast buck, Chinese manufacturers are cashing in on the British royal wedding by rolling out bales of Royal Wedding lavatory paper [toilet paper in North America].

What a wonderful way for ordinary plebs to turn their backs on the privileged few!

Your reporter was advised by a secret blogger-contact, deep in the bowels of a China prison for 'education reform' that the Chinese government has decided to put idle prisoners to good use producing Gwei-lo backside wiping paper. The quick-on-their-feet Chinese outbid the vacillating Indians for this contract as corrupt Indian officials had hiked the price up to $US 80 per roll whereas the Chinese version is less than 2 cents per roll.

The paper rolls, produced from dubious-origin material come in one color - vivid royal blue - as a tribute to the late Princess Diana's ring, which now adorns Kate Middleton's finger. An incredibly Chinese-looking calligraphied, buck-toothed Wills and Kate beam broadly from each square.

Early testing has revealed many deficiencies: the paper shreds too easily; the color and the royal image transfers onto wet backsides like a semi-permanent tattoo; testers have broken out in a dreadful, incurable rash and the entire roll downright stinks like roting sewage. Testers who complained have been summarily executed.

China's Minister for Number-Two Affairs and Education Reform of Dissidents, Fook Ing Yu told the media:

"Pris to crap you hans at this good Numbah Wan-Numbah Two product. World is big place. China evelybody frens. China nobody's enema".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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