Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 11 January 2011

image for Kate Middleton to sign draconian Palace prenup
Absolutely no-shagging-outside-the-matrimonial-bed, etc

London - (Reuterus): She's to be microchipped like the royal corgis - in case of any abduction or kidnapping attempts.

Random drug testing, regular monitoring of SMS texts/emails and compulsory lie detector tests every six months are also on the Palace prenup menu.

And as if that wasn't enough all Kate's relatives are to sign a confidentiality agreement.

This will see them flung in The Tower for any blabbing to the press about er, you know...royal stuff, etc.

In return Kate Fiddleton will get an annual clothing allowance, a Palace credit card and time off for good behavior.

A company pension scheme will also see her offered some discreet sweeteners after the first 25 years of marriage - such as relaxation of the no-shagging-outside-the-matrimonial-bed rule.

Lawyers advising the desperate royal wannabe say it's starting to look like a good deal for her.

Not everybody is that enthusiastic, however.

Royal tarot card readers are adamant the marriage will never take place after all and that the young couple are more likely to end up in jail on treason charges that ever get their sordid mitts on the crown jewelry.

Camilla Fucker-Proles is Julian Assange's birth mother.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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