After gaining access to the Bank of England computer, the UBS cantonal Swiss Bank, BP shares records, the Haliburton executive details and Weapon Sales Bonus figures, the Stock Market Returns for 2010, the Bank of Scotland, several offshore account details, MPs and expense claims figures, we can now confirm that the son of a stock-broker, Old Etonian, Nepotist, and our Prime Minister, the Rt Hon David William Cameron, is at his lowest ebb for finances that he's been in many a years.
We assume the extra bribes, and reduction in payments from Haliburton, back-handers and hush money paid to George Bush and family have taken their toll on the ready money available to David lately.
Also the expenses of him having Nick Clegg watched and followed has cost a lot, as MI6 refused to do it on the books, he had to use Haliburton's security services, which as we all know do not cheaply!
The Rt Hon's sacked Financial Advisor Mr I Lavsometwo, revealed that: "As far as I can tell... I only had access to about 2 hundred investment portfolios, so how he's doing in the other 1500 I cannot say, and the various Swiss, Offshore and Foreign accounts, he must be down to his last £180m by now.
A collection is to be started to support David during this financially hard times for him - Send donations to 'Ffion Hague Charities Commission'.