Written by IainB
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Topics: Police, Christmas

Thursday, 6 January 2011

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Get that tree down, NOW!

Epiphany Police will be on the streets of the UK tonight ensuring that householders remove all Christmas decorations.

"In previous years," said Chief of the Epiphany Police, John Baptiste, "we have had occasions where people have failed to remove their Christmas decorations in a timely manner. We have seen some cases where people have been leaving them up for several days beyond Epiphany."

There is a great deal of confusion surrounding when to take Christmas decorations down, but the Epiphany Police aim to ensure that the message is sent out that the date is always the sixth of January. There are many old-wives tails surrounding what will happen should the decorations not come down on Epiphany. The most common of which is that it will bring bad luck on the household for an entire year.

"People who fail to take down their decorations today will be in serious trouble," said Baptiste. "Although it is a myth that bad luck will befall transgressors, we will be making that myth a reality by visiting households with Christmas decorations up beyond tonight. Every day we will return and hassle the miscreants, hounding them, even after they take down the decorations."

The Old Wives tale also suggests that if the decorations remain up until next Christmas, then the bad luck won't befall them.

"In cases where people leave them up all year," said Baptiste, "we will return on December first and apologise for making their lives hell. This should make up for it."

To avoid a visit from the Epiphany Police the general advice is to take the decorations down before they arrive.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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