A horrified housewife has today revealed that Jamie Oliver wrecked her entire life. Due to an unfortunate chain of circumstances, all pertaining to Jamie's new Cook Book, she ended up with No Christmas dinner, No house, No cat, and a criminal record.
The terrible chain of events started with what Mrs Merry thought was a delightful pre Christmas present from her husband. She was so over the moon with Jamie's Christmas Cook Book that she told all her friends on facebook about all the amazing recipes she was going to try out. As she only had 6 friends on facebook she invited them all for Christmas dinner.
But One by one they all began telling their friends, and all their friends told their friends, and very soon the invitation had spread all over the world.
21,000 people turned up at Mrs Merry's tiny house for Christmas dinner, mostly stranded people from airports who couldn't get to their own homes. Jamie's Christmas dinner recipes proved to be so fantastic that the unwanted visitors caused a stampede when they all made a run to get to the tiny dinner table. They broke down Mrs Merry's front door and knocked over her Christmas tree. One said he was Santa and he climbed down the chimney.
The turkey was eaten in 5 minutes flat by people Mrs Merry didn't even know. Then the visitors began cooking their own food in Mrs Merry's oven and when it was all gone, someone put Mrs Merry's cat in the oven and cooked it. If that wasn't bad enough, they then accidentally left the oven on, and Mrs Merry's house burned down.
Mrs Merry then put the remains of her little burned house in the wrong coloured recycle bin. So the police had no option but to lock her up for crimes against the environment. She will be sentenced next month, and the people who destroyed her house will probably all be back at the airport by now, still waiting for their plane home.
Mrs Merry said that she will not be celebrating Christmas next year, Unless Jamie Oliver invites her round to his house to make amends for all the damage he caused at hers.
By Katarina Frogpond (with additional help from Gerry, the Chrismas Elf)