Written by Inhopeless
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Topics: Terrorism

Sunday, 19 December 2010

BIRMINGHAM - Ammar Al-Farouk, Hamzah Ali, and Ben Hussain make up a terrorist cell, intent on attacking the Bullring. After they do some other stuff.

The trio, who have been living in the Eastside apartments in Digbeth, since March 2007 were recruited by Al-Queda. They were supposed to infiltrate the city council and do some other terrorist shit.

However, the cell have decided to postpone their plans.

"Look," said Ammar. "We're watching Scrubs. JD is trying to win the affection of Elliot. Again. Besides, we're not in shape to do this stuff."

Hamzah was signed on to work in Birmingham City Council in August '07 as a junior assistant, but has since been promoted to Head Department Leader.

"Well," he said. "It came with shorter hours and better pay. I also get a parking spot. We're saving up to buy a Volkswagen Sirocco, but afterwards we'll definitely attack the purveyors of western filth."

Nearly every fortnight the cell go to the Bullring shopping centre to survey the area. However, they return with nearly 100kg of shopping.

"We're uhhh..." said Ben, "checking out what these pigs like. So we know what place we can attack. We also have a loyalty card each, so we save a bit of dosh."

"After we've analysed the stuff, we'll most likely plant a bomb. Not in HMV. Or in Krispy Kreme. One of the crappy places.... Marks and Spencer."

This reporter spoke to the West Midlands Police Counter-Terrorism Unit.

"Them guys?" said Sgt. Mark Wait. "That Ammar guy bought me a PS3 with Call of Duty for Christmas."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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