Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 15 December 2010

image for Local Man Maxes Out Four Credit Cards On TV Christmas Shopping Spree
Shuttlecock Wasn't The Only Daft Bastard Who Bought A Chinese Christmas Tree/Fire Hazard

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, this morning revealed to a Skoob News reporter how he maxed out four credit cards whilst watching late night TV shopping channel QED.

Shuttlecock explained that he'd been enjoying some pre Christmas holiday time that he'd earned, so he was having a night owl evening and watching the TV, when his attention was caught, held, nailed, and his wallet trashed by the QED channel, as he discovered numerous products that he couldn't understand how he'd ever lived without.

The first item which grabbed Shuttlecock's undivided attention was a clever paint pad infomercial, which demonstrated an invaluable plastic painting tool which would effectively enable him to paint the whole house in about seventeen minutes, with no drips or splashes. For only £38.99 + p&p + vat + shipping. Which totalled £217.98. He explained:

"I knew I'd been going wrong somewhere with the painting. I was paying £3.99 for a set of paint pads, but they can't possibly have been up to the job at that price. I can't wait 'til they deliver my magical new painting tool. I might even start a business and go round painting the neighbour's houses for a small fee. I'll be quids in! Wah-hey!"

Then, just as Shuttlecock was about to turn in for the night, another infomercial came on the TV claiming to cut required wardrobe space by up to 80% - so he purchased 50 scientifically tested and guaranteed, bulk reducing coat hangers for £118.99 + p&p

"That works out at just over two quid per hanger!" Shuttlecock enthused. "And if that doesn't represent good value for money, then I'll be buggered if I know what does."

Shuttlecock then went on to sponsor various endangered species of wild animals, buy a mattress the same as the astronauts used when they landed on the moon, some crystal things that get really stubborn stains out of virtually anything, a daft exercise thing which was basically a cross between a dustbin lid and a roundabout, and a Chinese manufactured artificial Christmas tree with lights which catch fire at some point, with a discounted Chinese made fire extinguisher thrown in from a dealer in South Carolina, USA.

In fact Shuttlecock was just about to buy a 98 CD box set of The Sounds Of Somerset for seventeen monthly instalments of £19.99 with a free whale song CD thrown in, when an irate and long suffering Anne Shuttlecock stormed downstairs and commanded him to get to bed immediately.

And called him some choice names.

"He really is a daft bastard," Anne sighed. "God knows why I ever married the silly twat."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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