Written by j.w.
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Topics: Parliament

Monday, 13 December 2010

image for Cannons Ruled out by May
Cannons Ready for the Students

The next demonstration by students is likely to be faced by Police Cannons. One blast should finish off the ringleaders and the whole thing would be a bad dream. 'By May we should have the situation under control' announced the Home Secretary to an ecstatic House of Commons.

'I considered water cannons' continued Theresa 'but in this cold weather the water might freeze coming out the hoses and give the students handy weapons to poke horses in their nostrils. We can't allow cruelty like that. It is against the great traditions of fair play on the playing fields of Eton.'

Students, already radicalised by Police tactics envisage a further escalation of activity. 'We will capture the cannons and turn them on the House of Commons' said Sam Winstanley, a prominent agitator 'we are digging in for the long haul of bringing this coalition to its knees.'

Several MP's are worried that their expenses applications might be destroyed if cannons are fired at Parliament. 'I took hours wading through mountains of bureaucracy to get these claims in' said one worried back bencher 'I think we should call it a day and let the students go to University for free. To hell with the deficit. The Banks will look after that - after all they started all this austerity!'

Cheering students noting the weakening of Parliamentary determination to blast the students into oblivion were nonetheless sorry they might be unable to continue. 'It was great fun' said one 'better than our usual lectures and I learnt a lot more.'

St Theresa is due to be canonised before the Christmas holidays.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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