Prince Andrew has just turned down the lead role in the new TV production The Scroungers, suggesting that his big bro was much more suited for the role, having had far more practice.
In truth, he was mortified at the mere thought of rising early to go onto the set and work for his living. The producer said the character of Reginald Sole would have suited Andrews natural disposition very well and he would keep the offer open until the end of the week.
Another purposely leaked government memo stating that all fat people are to be banned from appearing on TV in an effort to help reduce morbid obesity by removing roll models (pardon the pun) is hotly denied by the health secretary, whoever he or she may be.
We also hear that the insulting word Chav is to be replaced by the more gentile term Slag when describing female celebrities.
Recently unearthed documentation revealed that Adolf Hitler had six kids by a half-caste Hungarian hooker during the time he spent in Vienna trying to become a successful painter. The truth only came to light when one of the kids was DNA tested after being arrested for child molestation, a favourite Belgian pastime for middle aged and older men.
The ninety year old pervert protested his innocence, blaming his unusual sexual craving on his depraved upbringing and the absent father who only came around occasionally to beat and verbally abuse him after screwing his mother and refusing to pay for her services.
The judge, his elder brother was quite sympathetic to his unusual predicament and sentenced him to fifty hours community service at the local Jewish orphanage for small boys.
This revelation proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Hitler was just a normal everyday person not unlike our current political leaders with natural desires and not a vile raging poofter as the slanderous gutter press would have us believe.