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Saturday, 4 December 2010

image for 'Not Bloody Likely':  Palace Rules Out Wedding Dance Up Aisle At Westminster
Thou Shalt Not "Aunt Jackie"

Buckingham Palace has today definitely ruled out the possibility of the wedding party dancing up the aisle of Westminster Abbey in a YouTube sensation when Prince William marries Kate Middleton in the spring of 2011.

"Suggestions such as this display a kind of nave-te, if you follow my rather subtle educated play on architectural terminology," said Lord Hamish Snobworth, beleaguered Palace spokesman. "In more modern parlance, the idea ain't poppin' in this crib."

The Palace view suggests that a less traditional approach to the event will ultimately be crushed beneath the oxygen depleting weight of the men behind the scenes.

"This people's wedding rubbish runs the risk of getting out of hand. We were thinking of a couple of wheeled chippies down the Mall and some big screens in Hyde Park. Perhaps a mousepad where once there were tea towels."

The news could come as a particular disappointment to Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, who are said to have recently perfected how to crank that Soulja Boy whilst maintaining the structural integrity of a really dire fascinator.

"The notion of anyone descending from Queen Victoria 'busting a move' is entirely out of the question," decreed Snobworth. "And anyone labouring under that delusion should disabuse themselves of it forthwith, even if they happen to be a descendant of Queen Victoria. Additionally, the gentlemen's swords would create a significant safety risk. Now you will pardon me, but I've snow to shovel in the Forecourt."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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