Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Wednesday, 1 December 2010

image for For Sale - Lee Harvey Oswald's Coffin

Lee Harvey Oswald, who is famous for having fired the three shots which missed JFK, has put his coffin on the market, despite falling real estate values in the US. The coffin is being heavily marketed in the UK, in the hope that a serious buyer will make a sensible offer for this genuine piece of history.

Oswald has been forced into the move by ever waning interest in him from conspiracy theorists, as well as needing to fund his extravagant lifestyle.

The coffin is a simple affair, made of cheap imported Albanian pine, with a brown paper lining. There is some water and pest damage, but nothing that a bit of a rub down and a lick of varnish wouldn't sort out.

A spokesman for Oswald said, "Lee has been in that box for quite some time and, understandably, feels he is ready for a change of scenery. Ideally, he'd like a room with a view, maybe even on the 6th floor somewhere. He has looked after his place and is selling it in good faith. He also says the neighbours are perfect and he has never heard so much as a peep out of them. The coffin would suit somebody who doesn't get out much and who enjoys their own company".

The Oswald coffin is to be featured in this month's edition of 'Coffins & Casks' magazine. It is also expected to appear at this year's Ideal Home Exhibition in London.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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